BDSM Contract Guide

Hello, kinksters!

Today, we will be discussing BDSM contracts and give you an example of what can be included in them. But first, let's start by talking about the negotiation process.

People aren't mind-readers. That's why the whole concept of communication appeared. And it takes two steps to have a successful negotiation process: 

- getting to know yourself and your desires; 

- taking responsibility for what you feel and say.

In the BDSM world, if you don't negotiate the things you're willing to do before a play, then your partner will assume that they can do whatever they wish, or you're good to go on what you did last time. And to be honest, it's totally ok to change your mind or not want the things you desired before.

What is the purpose of BDSM contact between Dominant and Submissive?

Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, including power exchange dynamics. One helpful approach to initiating an open and honest conversation is to draft an agreement. This can facilitate discussions about difficult topics such as goals, expectations, desires, needs, and boundaries. Signing a Contract is not about trying to make someone stay with you. 

You and your partners will be going (hopefully) a long way together, discovering and trying new things, so the Contract can be established, but you can review and update it. Basically, we all can get lost in new sensations and desires, and Contract can become your beacon.

11 milestones of the BDSM Contract with examples

• Parties

This Contract is entered into between Miss X (“the Dominant”) and Logan (“the submissive”).

• Responsibilities of each party

The Dominatrix shall have the following responsibilities:

✓ To provide a safe environment for play;

✓ To provide the submissive with training to adequately serve the Dominantix;

✓ To ensure the submissive keeps up with his exercise goals;

✓ To explain any punishment administered. 

The Submissive has such duties of servitude:

✓ The primary duty of this submissive is to please;

✓ Attend to the physical and emotional needs of Miss X, behave as her sexual plaything, offer physical comfort, act in obedience, and remain honest and loyal;

✓ Household Duties: Cleaning and maintaining the home, cooking, and baking. Help in making makeup and Dominatrix outfits;

• General Behavior

✓ Manner of speech, promptness, kneeling to serve (when able), proper answers, obedience, and wholehearted honesty.

✓ Miss X is more important than any other activity the Sub may be engaged in.

• Behavior in Public

✓ No arguing or complaining in public;

✓ Addressing Dominatrix by her given name or “Miss” at all times when there is not enough privacy to use the “Your Majesty".

• Punishments

Rudeness, disobedience, incorrectly addressing Miss X, failing to properly serve, and achieving orgasm without consent will require these punishments:

✓ spanking & flogging;

✓ nipple pinching;

✓ withholding of orgasm (wearing chastity belt);

✓ caning.

• Soft Limits

Humiliation, fisting, electricity, temporarily giving away to another Dominatrix, spitting, slapping.

• Hard Limits

Bestiality, cutting, injections, scarification, permanent markings, toilet play, gun play, permanently giving away to another Dominatrix.

• Understanding of exclusivity

✓ Monogamous relationship only

✓ Open relationship

✓ Threesomes only

✓ Open to polyamory

✓ Introduction of any new person must be discussed beforehand.

• Safe words

Safe word for slow down: “Yellow”

Safe word for stop: “Red”

Safe signal for slow down: “3 knocks on the floor (any other surface)”

Safe signal for stop: “Dropping object held in hand”

• Ability to alter the terms

The Contract should be reviewed and updated every quarter.

• The term – how will the arrangement last?

The Contract shall commence on [this date] and will be accurate till [the date] or prolonged [the start date of the next quarter].