Common Mistakes New Dominants Make (and How to Avoid Them)

1. Skipping Negotiations

A scene doesn’t start with rope or impact, it starts with conversation. Negotiations are where you discuss limits, safewords, and expectations. Skipping this step can lead to misunderstandings, broken trust, or even harm. A good Dominant takes time to learn their partner’s desires and boundaries before play begins.

2. Ignoring Aftercare

Aftercare isn’t just for submissives; it’s a crucial part of every dynamic. Checking in, offering comfort, and helping your partner come down from the intensity of a scene shows care and responsibility. Skipping aftercare can leave your sub feeling abandoned or unsafe, no matter how good the play was.

3. Confusing Dominance With Aggression

Dominance isn’t about losing control—it’s about guiding and holding it. Some new Dom(me)s mistake aggression, shouting, or carelessness for authority. In reality, Dominance is calm, intentional, and measured. A confident Dominant knows when to push and when to hold back.

4. Not Acknowledging Their Own Needs and Vulnerability

It’s a myth that Dominants are invincible. Just like subs, Dom(me)s can experience “drops” – emptiness, guilt, or exhaustion after a scene. Ignoring your own emotional needs only makes things harder. Accepting that Dominants need aftercare and support too makes you stronger, not weaker.

5. Making It All About Themselves

A common mistake is treating submission as a service to the Dominant only. While Dom(me)s may lead the scene, the best ones prioritize the sub’s experience just as much as their own. A good power exchange is a partnership: both sides give, receive, and feel fulfilled.