Interview With Eva Oh, Dominatrix Who Has Made Power Her Lifestyle As Much As Her Profession

ON HOW EVA FIRST GOT INTO BDSM

I had no idea what BDSM was until I started working in a dungeon. I kind of jumped in the deep end. I only looked up the word ‘dominatrix’ because somebody was joking when they were commenting on how assertive I was just in my life in general. And I looked that up when I was looking for work after a strategic consulting job that I did not want to keep doing. And I started off in the dungeon. I was there for 2 weeks, and then I never left. 

HOW THE APPROACH TO SESSIONS CHANGED

I think that I'm a lot more relaxed in my craft these days. 

At the very beginning, when I was in the dungeon, I kind of just stuck to the format of what the dungeon mistresses were all up to. And we would take in what kinkster wanted and create sort of an immersive theatrical experience for somebody. And then, as time moved on, I started to play with the business model a little bit and I started to lean towards very long experiences and more social. It would always be a power dynamic. I would tell them where to sit, what to book, how to do this, how to do that, but it would be at dinner, travelling, you know, at the theater. Then,  in a more intimate setting, we would play. Kind of more like dating, I guess. And now I have some people who I keep around, who have been with me for years, who – it's like a relationship, you know – but it's all based in power dynamics. And every now and then, maybe there's a session, but they'll also very much accompany me to events where there will be high protocol.

But I'm also in a current phase where I want to play with new people, and so I'm kind of going back to a dungeon format where I'm just meeting people for 1 hour, 2 hours, and just knocking out the kinks that they're interested in.

THE PART OF THE JOB THAT SHE ENJOYS THE MOST

I live in the psychology. That is where my heart really lives. So it doesn't matter too much what the item is that I'm using, but I do really love heavy bondage and heavy impact. I love being able to do those things, and the prison thing comes out of that. But I mostly love being able to see into somebody and to move them as I want to. And that is the gold for me, so I'll do anything to get that. 

EVA'S INSIGHTS INTO THE WORLD OF BDSM

I feel like the biggest asset to this world is just having an open heart and open mind, and also being kind to yourself and knowing yourself as much as possible. Maybe that's the case for everything, but I think you're going to get the most out of the richness of such a sideline subcultural experience as BDSM if you just remember that your prejudices are a product of society and not necessarily what your internal reality is. 

I think that what the job has taught me is that the human experience is very, very rich, very emotional, very vulnerable, very desperate for love.

On some level, we're all pathetic. Groveling little desperate beings who just want to be accepted, you know, and loved, even if it's through a moment of being recognized.

PERFECT SUBMISSIVE

I have different ideas of a perfect sub in a session space and in life. In a session space, I just want somebody to be able to drop into the present moment with me, and that's the only thing I need because that's the biggest and best thing. And then when it comes to life, I think I need them to understand their agency. And to take the humility to look at who they really are. And then to have a capacity to act and make things happen in the world, which is not a small ask, but I think that's what makes the best kind of submissive for me, because that means that they can actually be available for my use. Otherwise, they're just getting in the way, you know, and I have to coach somebody, and I have to carry somebody, so why would I be doing this?

PERFECT DOMINANT

As for the Dominant, I think it’s essential to be able to stay extremely present, to experience humility, and to be self-aware. And last but not least, the ability to make art of human interaction.

ON NAVIGATING PATRIARCHY AND GENDER STEREOTYPES

I grew up in a very mixed cultural environment where women had the final say, so I never learned to split the world into “masculine” and “feminine.” But as I moved away from my family’s protection, I realized I had to learn how to get what I wanted without threatening my safety — often by letting men believe ideas were theirs. Entering the dungeon changed that: as a female dominant, my natural personality was suddenly praised and valued.

But still, every now and then, when I step outside my world and my safe community, I go to an event, and the way I stand, the way I dress, the way I speak, the way I respond when someone says something incorrect — my unapologetic presence as a woman becomes intimidating to the crowd.

I think being loud, visible, and unapologetic as a woman can trigger predators. You destabilize the script they’ve been performing their whole lives, and without that script, they have no grounding. Their idea of themselves collapses. They don’t know what to do. In this way, I'm an existential crisis for a lot of men.

WHAT IS 'SEXY' FOR EVA OH

I think sexy to me is probably quite confronting for a lot of other people. Sexy to me is that space where you don't know what's gonna happen next. Which is pretty terrifying sometimes, but trusting in that space and just holding it for a moment and being able to be the one to be able to do something with that, that's, like, gold for me.

FOLLOW EVA OH HERE