August 06, 2025
Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Trying BDSM
BDSM can be a deeply intimate and empowering experience, but only when it’s rooted in communication, consent, and mutual trust. Whether you’re just starting to explore or ready to dive deeper, asking the right questions can make all the difference.
Here are some essential questions to open up the conversation with your partner and co-create a satisfying, safe experience.
What draws you to BDSM?
Is it about power, sensation, emotional surrender, curiosity, or something else?
Do you have any past experiences (positive or negative) I should know about?
This will help us avoid triggers and give insight into what made past scenes work or not.
What roles are you curious about?
Do you imagine yourself as dominant, submissive, switch, or something outside traditional labels?
What kinds of play are you excited to try?
Let’s use the ‘Yes, No, Maybe’ Quiz to identify practices we’re into.
What does ‘consent’ mean to you in BDSM?
Let's make sure we're on the same page about negotiation, autonomy, and the ability to say no at any time, even mid-scene.
What are your hard and soft limits?
Maybe you already know which practices are off-limits and which can be explored gently. But if not, we can start slowly and see how it goes through check-ins.
How do we communicate during a scene?
What safewords will we use? Or maybe we’ll use the traffic light systems? What nonverbal cues should we set as signs?
What aftercare do you prefer?
Cuddles? Space? Affirmation? Snacks? Should we try everything and see what works best?
What pace feels right for you?
Do you want to take it slow and build trust? Or are you eager to experiment? Let's agree on a pace to prevent overwhelm and mismatched expectations.