The Difference Between Dominant and Control-Freak Behavior

1. Consent vs. Commanding

Dominant:

“Tell me what feels off-limits tonight.”

“Are you okay if I take the lead with that?”

“Use your safeword if it’s too much.”

Control Freak:

“Stop overthinking, just do it.”

“You’re ruining the mood with all these questions.”

“If you really trusted me, you wouldn’t need to talk about it.”

Dominance asks. Control expects.

2. Guidance vs. Micromanagement

Dominant:

“Take a deep breath. Hands behind your back.”

“Keep eye contact. That’s it — good.”

Short, intentional direction. Space to breathe.

Control Freak:

“Don’t move. No, not like that. You never listen.”

“I told you exactly what to do. Why can’t you just do it right?”

Every second becomes a correction and critique.

Dominance leads the moment. Control manages the person.

3. Confidence vs. Insecurity

Dominant:

Moves slowly, observes body language, adjusts pressure.

Can handle a ‘no’ without taking it personally.

Control Freak:

Pushes harder when hearing “no.”

Takes limits as a challenge instead of guidance.

Needs constant reassurance they’re in charge.

Dominance holds power. Control chases it.

4. Care vs. Indifference

Dominant:

Checks in, listens, adjusts for next time: “How’s your body? Want water or quiet?”

Control Freak:

Discomfort or emotion becomes an inconvenience:
“Don’t get dramatic, it was just a scene.”

Dominance closes the loop with care. Control drops it once they’re done.

5. Respect vs. Possession

Dominance:

Encourages autonomy, friendships, space, and personal boundaries: “You belong to me because you choose to.”

Control Freak:

Uses “ownership” to isolate or guilt-trip: “You’re mine, so you don’t need to talk to anyone else.”

Dominance protects connection. Control cages it.