It is more difficult for some to tell a partner about their erotic fantasies than to share a password from a bank card and social networks. However, with the right approach, such frankness will not alienate the partner, but, on the contrary, will give you a deeper and more complete relationship.
According to the Swedish director of erotic films promoting feminist porn, Erika Lust, it’s necessary to share your fantasies in a couple: it is so important to share your sexual fantasies. Not only for happier relationships and better sex, but also for a better understanding of your own sexuality. For many people, discovering your fantasies and sexual preferences can be a very frightening experience, but these conversations can take your sex life to the next level, as well as strengthen your connection and relationship with a partner.
How to share sexual thoughts and why it is worth doing, even if you are not going to turn them into reality.
- Admit to yourself in your fantasies.
The first person to admit to erotic fantasies is yourself. Perhaps you don’t think about them often and thoroughly, don’t share with your friends and don’t even think that you are fantasizing about sex.
Remember if there are scenes or situations in films that especially excite you. Pay attention to what you think during sex, what pictures appear in your head during the most pleasant moments. To discuss your secret desires with a partner, determine what these desires are and how they can be realized.
- Choose the right time to talk.
Much depends on the level of your frankness with a partner, general mood and habits in a relationship. For someone it is quite acceptable to start dirty conversations right before sex or after it. It is easier for one to relax in a bar over a glass, others need a thorough conversation in the kitchen.
No matter what the circumstances will be, make sure that both of you are ready for such a conversation, the partner is able to listen to you and tell you himself. Bear in mind that such a conversation will not be a one-off and that you will return to this topic more than once.
- Understand that there are no wrong fantasies.
Don’t be ashamed of what excites you. This is just a fantasy, it says nothing about the moral qualities of a person. It does not matter what you imagine - how you masturbate in front of a million people or how you are raped by a group of men. Any of these inventions remains a figment of the imagination and does not mean that you would like to experience this in reality.
Sharing fantasies is not necessary in order to make them come true. You can laugh with your boyfriend over your vulgar thoughts, feel a new level of intimacy and trust, get a new experience from the conversation itself.
- Do not blame your partner for his/her sexual fantasies.
Want revelations - be ready to learn a lot about your partner. Remind yourself that this is just an invention, and don’t take the partner's imagination into your account.
Sometimes people get very strange things, otherwise where in the world is such a variety of fetishes. Attempting to shame a person for sexual fantasies will make him understand that being honest with you is bad.
- Look for a compromise.
The fact that in your fantasies only the two of you in different poses and locations, and in his - a crowd of busty young ladies, does not mean that your relationship is doomed. Save sex can compromise. Let it be not as bright as in your head, but make a variety without offending anyone.
If you are not ready to invite strangers into the bedroom, you can make your dreams about a threesome come true with the help of a vibrator and other sex toys. If you are reject group sex, and he/she adores this - watch together a group sex porn.
None of you are obliged to break yourself for the sake of another's fantasies. But some painless concessions on your part or his/her side will mean a lot to both of you.
Just sharing fantasies with a partner is already an act.
- Forget about shame.
Not at all, but in this particular case. It is hard not to be shy of our fantasies, when we have constantly broadcast the idea that sex is good as long as it is “normal” - that is, they are engaged in two people of about the same age and build.
Shame is only the consequence of living in a society full of stigma and stereotypes. The only framework in which it is necessary to enter their sexual activity is the age of majority and the voluntary consent of all participants.