Do you remember the feeling when all your emotions reach the highest point? They feel like a waterfall, crashing down at a high speed and making you feel like an invincible super-human among other mortals. But unfortunately, in an instant, the same emotions will fall rapidly from the pinnacle to the lowest point, taking with them everything that had just seethed inside you. And after that, there will be no trace of past confidence left. This is how dominants describe their sensations after experiencing the so-called dom drop.
What is Dom Drop?
Let’s talk about the definition of this term. Dom Drop (or Top Drop) is the physical or emotional exhaustion that occurs after a BDSM scene. This condition is usually characterized by a feeling of guilt or depression. During a play session, the dom experiences a wide spectrum of positive emotions, but later, they will be replaced by a significant drop in the mood. This change can happen immediately after a scene, or the dom’s feelings can accumulate and explode later. The reasons can be different for every person, but we want to highlight and discuss the most common and likely causes of top drop.
3 Reasons Why Dom Drop Happens
Everything related to BDSM is considered to be a deviation from the norm by people who don’t enjoy or understand this lifestyle. That’s why most BDSM community members prefer to keep their everyday lives separate from their sexual exploits and desires. Humans always try to hide things that others may not accept. Even when we understand that there is nothing wrong with our desires or behavior, the people around us can still have a huge impact on us.
For instance, sadism is perceived as a form of violence or even a mental issue. As a result of this public opinion, different questions can appear in the Dominant’s head: “Am I a monster? Am I the person who only brings pain? Why do I want to harm someone who I care about?”. This often leads to overthinking and anxiety, which are the precise symptoms of dom drop.
Communication is the most crucial factor in avoiding misunderstandings that may arise during a scene. Loss of communication leads to a lack of trust, which has serious psychological consequences. If a dom has had an unpleasant experience in the past, some things related to the incident may trigger a negative reaction even years after it occurred. These triggers can evoke a whole set of negative emotions and, as a result, cause dom drop. Certainly, each wound, no matter how large or small, needs plenty of time to be endured and healed.
Dominants usually need to present themselves as powerful and steadfast individuals, and in most cases, they succeed at this. They take on the whole burden of the process and feel responsible for the submissive as if it was their own child or pet. They may seem like administrators at a hotel - instructing, checking, and ensuring the proper work of staff. But in our case, we are not talking about the workers and hotel guests, but about human experiences and problems that may arise during the scene. And it's all in one person's hands. Isn't this far too great a responsibility? Some dominants may be reluctant to admit that this level of responsibility enhances their feelings of burnout and exhaustion.
How to prevent Dom Drop?
Below, you can find some tips that may help alleviate or even eliminate dom drop after a scene. However, you should keep in mind that these pieces of advice may not be enough to solve your problem. Each case is individual, and we can not guarantee that these tips will be useful for you. However, we strongly advise you to try them, as you may find something helpful for your situation.
Have you taken on too much responsibility? Do you have any doubts that you or your partner are not satisfied with the outcome of your play sessions? Or do you have any hidden desires or cravings? Talking to your partner is the best way to get answers to these questions. Remember, these conversations won’t reveal your weaknesses. Instead, they will help you establish a close connection with your partner and prevent issues down the line.
Trust each other
Sometimes, submissives don’t want to disappoint their partners, so they keep quiet about things they don’t like. This leads to a lack of trust on both sides, which ruins their intimate connection. When a problem arises, try to ensure that you talk to your partner about it openly and agree on the actions that both of you need to take to make the situation better.
Set the boundaries
It is not necessary to write out a contract with all the conditions of your BDSM relationship. However, you and your partner need to establish clear boundaries at the beginning of your relationship, taking into account the needs of both parties. If one or both parties broke the rules, it’s important to discuss the situation and figure out how to fix the problem so it doesn't appear again.
After experiencing a whirlwind of emotions together during a BDSM scene, you need to take time to care for each other and reaffirm your romantic bond. This may be important both for the dom and the submissive. Aftercare is the best way to end a session and calm down all the emotions.
There are numerous activities you can enjoy together during aftercare, for instance:
- take a bath or a shower together
- go for a walk to get some fresh air
- have a cup of tea or a glass of wine together
- enjoy cuddles, kisses, or other manifestations of physical comfort
- have a conversation about the session
Taking everything into account, the doms are not super-heroes (even though they appear to be them at times), and they can also experience negative emotions after a scene. Usually, being respectful and attentive to the dom is enough to make things better.