“It is an indisputable fact that men and women are different. But we are not different species or aliens from different planets. We are not designed to torture each other. The very nature of our differences, connected to each other, proves our deep mutual need for each other”.
“Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality” by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
So what the sexual relationship must be to form confidential relationship?
I would have refused to start with the word "must." Perfectionism is irrelevant here, it binds. In a strong couple, sex is an area where nothing can be controlled, almost like in vacation. You just dive there and swim, focusing on whether it’s pleasant to you or not, whether this picture stirs the imagination or go to the next one together (wouldn’t you leave a partner at the boring canvas in the middle of the picture gallery?).
Sex can be a zone where there is no familiar social model and both are easily abandoned in bed. That is, it is a safe space for experiments with "inequality", domination-submission, role-playing games in a nurse and a doctor... Sex blossoms amid changing roles, curiosity, seduction, manipulation, primitiveness and artistry.
Pay more attention to pleasure than sexual independence
No matter how confident you are, decisive and categorical in life, no matter how career success brings satisfaction to you, it is the antithesis of erotic desire. Erotica loves play and spontaneity. Eroticism allows you to go beyond the limits adopted in other areas of life.
Eroticism is a safe path to freedom, which is seen somewhere in the shadow of loyalty. Having released the imagination, it is easier to accept the restriction “you are my only one”.
Accept your fantasy
We all tend to fantasize. And this unwitting play of imagination can tell a lot about us, even the most intimate. Whether we are ready to accept these images or not - they always turn out to be a precious source of knowledge about what drives our desire.
How to start?
- Make a list of ten pleasant fantasies to you - from the simplest to the most bizarre.
- Make a decision to tell about three of them to whom you want.
- Bring three more fantasies to life with your partner.
- Write a story about the other two.
- About the two remaining ask someone from friends - if they are not close to her? After talking about this, you will understand that such fantasies are inherent in a much larger number of people than you could imagine.
- Find three new fantasies that seem exciting to you.
What's the point
Sexual fantasies are imaginary scenarios that easily excite our desire. Sometimes acquaintance with the world of your own fantasies can surprise and even scare, because they do not fit into the generally accepted framework of decency, but are born under the influence of our unconscious impulses.
That is why, by analyzing them, we can better understand ourselves. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to put all these fantasies into practice. You can play with them in your imagination, connecting your partner to them .
Even the partial inclusion of fantasy in the space of sexuality gives intimate relationships dynamism and urgency. This is a savory spice that sets the tone for the whole dish.
Sexual emancipation in a couple is the ability to hear and voice your desiresRemembering the relevance and irrelevance - you have to check. Not the fact that your desires are the same. Or it may just take time: if a partner rejects your fantasy, it does not mean that he rejects you. It just seems simple, but most people don’t know what they really feel.
Sex is not only tenderness - it is different feelingsDependence, submission, domination, jealousy, passion, tenderness, timidity, aggression, intimacy and fusion - anything, which alienates in everyday life, can be especially attractive behind the bedroom doors.
Shame and taboos are often associated not with attitudes in the head, but with a sense of alienation from the body. In order not to be despised for bodily imperfection and to save her face, a woman can completely refuse sex.
A man by the way too. The partner is then vested with a particularly strict gaze authority. If one in a couple always finds fault with the body of another, then you better think about the prospects of your relationship. A dozen extra pounds can make you less attractive if you really believe in it. But it certainly will not where both truly love each other. Do not confuse genuine humiliation in a role-playing game.
If you are really ashamed of your body, you will have to work. This cannot be corrected only by the external discipline of sports and food, the number of pounds on the scales, or sports successes.
It is always an internal breakdown. Your task is to allow yourself to experience both erotic pleasure and modesty. Just as what a woman feels the very first time exposing to a man to whom she is attracted by sexual desire.
Being in harmony with your body, to learn how to love it for the special sensations it gives is the right way to accept yourself. This is your responsibility and liability in successful relationships.
Listen to yourself, trust your desire and develop your imagination - this is how you gain your sexual confidence.
Day by day. And night by night. Together.