As most people have experienced jealousy at least once, there were created numerous definitions of this feeling. Some explain it as “something wrong” with their partners when they think of the sexual connections of their lovers in the past. Others, indeed, feel down and even depressed at the very thought of their soulmate flirting with another person. Moreover, jealousy is often misinterpreted as a sign of true, sincere, and strong feelings for the love of your life.
So, what is jealousy?
Not to get deep into psychology, there are two types of jealousy: sexual and emotional one.
Sexual jealousy is connected directly to sex life and sexual matters, such as one’s right to demand sexual fidelity from a partner if you are in relationships. Telling the truth, sexual fidelity is a relatively modern concept as people tend to get married because of love and expect their husbands or wives to keep loyal throughout the whole life. For example, family historian Stephanie Coontz insists that ancient peoples and cultures, as in China, Tibet, and Botswana, were not that strict with marital laws and sexual fidelity. Nowadays, it is a real problem when one cannot accept and deal with the past sex life of his or her partner. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is only one solution – to boost your confidence and trust your lover.
Emotional jealousy touches upon our feelings and emotions regarding breakup or cheating. It does not necessarily depend on sex or any other physical encounter with a stranger. However, it is interesting to know that even somebody’s little smile can start a chain reaction called jealousy. It is especially typical and common for women, who start asking themselves questions like “Am I good enough?”, “Did I do everything to keep him?”, and “Is she really prettier?”. Such doubts and lack of confidence are detrimental not only to one’s mental health and self-esteem but any happy relationships as well.
Jealousy and reptiles?
When a person experiences jealousy, our modern, advanced, sophisticated, and perfectly-functioning brain may switch to the so-called “reptilian mode”. The reptilian brain is the oldest part of the brain that controls the body through breathing, heart rate, and other basic functions. In other words, it is a structure that helps us to satisfy basic urgent needs such as hunger and survive. Jealousy does not look like a basic need, however not. Jealousy serves as a signal that either your partner or you are in a threat. Suzanne Degges-White states that Men are especially sensitive to such threats because of high Testosterone levels as this hormone is responsible for the development of male sexual characteristics. Thus, if a male is facing a threat, T hormone increases significantly, so a man can run or fight to survive.
Jealousy in BDSM
There is no room for jealousy in any BDSM practices. As you can see, jealousy touches upon both the emotional and physical sides of relationships. Trust, honesty, and equality are the key components of a successful and enjoyable sex life, especially if it involves BDSM elements. Jealousy may lead to the unconscious desires to punish or even take revenge on your partner, which is unacceptable without mutual agreement.
Jealousy is a many-heads beast but not as dreadful and scaring as it is often portrayed. Mostly, this feeling of envy comes out because of unresolved internal issues. That is why conversations and mutual understanding between the partners are the best weapons against jealousy.