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BDSM for Beginners: What Should I Start With?

You might haveseen it in a porn film, or heard about it from your friends, but have you ever tried engaging in BDSM yourself?


There are lots of cases when people in vanilla relationships realize that the fantasies that they have had for a long time fall under the BDSM umbrella. The BDSM acronym stands for B = bondage, D = dominance, discipline, S = submission, sadism, M = masochism. 


BDSM is definitely capable of bringing you and your partner lots of fun and spicing up your sex life. Here, you can choose out of dozens of activities: from light and fun activities that virtually everyone wants to try at least once (such as spanking) to the most extreme things you can do in sex (such as branding). But don’t be scared: if you don't like BDSM after you try it, you can always go back to regular sex. 


Have you decided to give BDSM a try but don't know what you should start with? Don’t worry, we have put together a BDSM beginner guide for you.

BDSM Activities Beginners Should Try

So, you’ve decided to try BDSM but don’t know which accessory or sex act to try first? After all, there are so many options to choose from! Why not go with a simple blindfold? This accessory can be a good and safe start in your BDSM journey. Using a sleep mask from your last vacation flight or a scarf usually works just fine for BDSM beginners. Remember, that it’s not necessary to purchase specialized expensive equipment and accessories if you just want to try out BDSM. Your own creativity, ideas, and thoughts are sufficient to explore elements of BDSM. And if you find that you’re really enjoying this new side of your life, you can add a touch of luxury to your BDSM play with leather accessories and restraints from Anoeses.


In case you want something more advanced than simple blindfolding, you can definitely find plenty of useful items in your house. For instance, you can use a simple wooden spoon or spatula for spanking. Start gently and increase the intensity of the blows depending on your sub’s reaction. You can also use clothespins to clamp nipples or attack them to other areas of the skin. Or use a toothpick to test how your partner reacts to light scratches. Ice cubes can also be used in BDSM to stimulate your partner’s sensitive areas.


However, it’s not a good idea to try extreme practices such as needle play, candle wax, or choking (“breath play”) during your first BDSM session. They might feel extremely different from what you expected. The same applies to complicated knots, cable ties, bondage, or generally unknown materials.

Safety in BDSM

When it comes to BDSM, safety comes first. It is not recommended to try kinky games with someone who you can't rely on. However, even if you have a BDSM session with a trustworthy partner, a clarifying, almost factual discussion before you start is advisable. There are two basic rules concerning everything in BDSM:


  • SSC: Safe, sane, consensual
  • RACK: Risk, aware, consensual, kink

Remember, mutual consent is the most important part of BDSM. Before sex, you and your partner have to determine who will control and who will submit. You also have to agree on a safe word that will stop the game immediately when one of the partners says it.  It is important that the safe word is clear because a “no” or “stop” could also be said simply as part of the game. So choose something extraordinary that probably wouldn’t otherwise be said in a sexual context, such as “foliage”. 


You can also use the traffic light system, in which the word “red” signals immediate termination; “yellow” means that the intensity needs to be decreased and “green” signals to the partner to keep going.


Also, clarify what exactly can and can’t be done during play with your partner in advance. For this purpose, it is important that each party expresses their wishes, fantasies, and taboos honestly. Most people have to make an effort in order to be open with their partner, but it is essential to avoid misunderstandings which, in the worst case scenario, could lead to physical or psychological trauma. If you decide that one of the partner’s isn’t allowed to speak during play, go back to the beginning and agree on an evident stop sign instead of a safe word.


Communicating sexual fantasies is a matter of practice, especially for BDSM beginners. The more you talk about your needs and fantasies, the easier it will be for you over time. 

Sex Tips for BDSM Beginners

Bondage sex for beginners

You don't have to tie your partner to the wall and get extreme right away. A simple pair of handcuffs will do the job just as well. Bed posts and rails are particularly suitable for this. With their hands tied, the submissive partner loses control and can only watch as you torture or pleasure them - or maybe yourself.

Dominance and submission

Imagine someone is in power and you are helpless: you can't say a word, can`t change  your position, and can’t figure out what your partner is planning to do to you next. The only thing you can do is submit. Sounds wonderfully exciting, doesn’t it?

Roleplay

He is your doctor, you are his patient. You are a wealthy businesswoman and he is your gardener. Which sex fantasies do you find really erotic? Which ideas inspire your imagination? Try them all and don’t hold back, it can be pretty hot.

Spanking

Spanking is one of the most essential and pleasurable parts of BDSM for beginners. The rule is: don't hit too hard right away but first carefully feel for what your partner finds pleasurable and find out where their pain threshold is at. A pat on the bottom here and there can be extremely stimulating.








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