How To Handle Revoking Consent
During Play

Consent during a BDSM scene is ongoing, reversible, and enthusiastic — meaning it can be revoked at any time, for any reason. Handling this properly ensures safety, trust, and a positive experience for everyone involved.

Set Boundaries Before Play

Before engaging in any sort of play, make sure that every participant is aware of non-negotiables for each other, has their own and remembers the other's safe words and non-verbal signals.

You should also openly discuss what to do if someone revokes consent — whether it’s giving space in silence, checking in, or transitioning to aftercare.

Stop Immediately Upon Revocation

The Dominant partner must stop all actions, untie, and release their sub the moment they hear the safe word or see the signal. If the submissive partner was active at that point, they should stop too. 

Do not pressure or question the person revoking consent. Their decision is final in the moment.

Take a deep breath and shift into a calm, supportive mindset.

Assess And Communicate
(Once Possible)

It is important not to shut down from each other completely but also to give space. Most likely, you will want to jump right into 'Why', but it might be better to begin with open-ended, non-judgmental questions that imply how deeply you care about the partner: 

• Are you okay?
• Do you need space, comfort, or anything specific?
• Would you like to talk about what happened now or later?

If your emotions are still high, allow more time to process before discussing, just be there for each other, ready to support and communicate as soon as you're ready.

Provide Aftercare

Aftercare is still important—even if the scene ends abruptly. When someone revokes consent, they may experience a mix of emotions, including frustration, guilt, sadness, or relief. The body can also go through a sudden drop in adrenaline and endorphins, leading to physical and emotional exhaustion.

Depending on the person’s needs, aftercare can include physical comfort (such as a warm blanket, a glass of water, or a gentle grounding touch if welcomed), emotional reassurance (like kind, validating words to affirm that stopping was the right decision), or space to process (some people may need quiet time alone before reconnecting).

But if your partner asks for distance, respect that and follow up later to check in and ensure they feel supported.

Follow Up

When emotions settle, check in about what led to the consent withdrawal. Acknowledge and validate your partner's experience, listen actively, make mental notes, and – most importantly – do not judge. Remember that there is no need to assign blame; revoking consent is okay; it's not a lose or a mistake. Your main goal should be just to understand what happened and how to move forward safely.

If necessary, re-negotiate your boundaries and communication strategies to prevent discomfort in similar situations.

The Importance of Trust in Revoking Consent

• Trust allows for vulnerability. If someone fears judgment or consequences for revoking consent, they may hesitate to speak up. A trusting dynamic ensures they feel safe to do so.
• Trust builds a culture of respect. Knowing that a partner will honor boundaries reinforces mutual care and security.
• Trust encourages deeper exploration. When both partners know consent is respected, they can feel more comfortable pushing limits within agreed boundaries.