We think that at least once in your life, you have met a problematic or toxic behavior. And, unfortunately, it's taxing to recognize it from the start.
So, we want to give you a list of red flags that may help you to see if you are engaging in unhealthy relationships or not. The list is not only applicable to the BDSM community. A lot of things can happen in vanilla one too.
What is a red flag?
It's a warning sign that you can notice in someone's actions. Also, it doesn't matter if you have a lot of experience in relationships or not. Because we always try something new with new people, new communities, new plays, etc. Also, you should know these warning signs even if you are already in long term relationships. Because let's be honest, this person can be really good at hiding his/her toxic nature. Ok, let's move on.
1. There is no talk about safe words and aftercare. We have already pointed out in previous blogs the importance of negotiating these things. And if the person doesn't care even to mention them, then… run, Joey, run, because of the whole concept of consent ruins. And relationships become abusive.
2. Your partner disrespectfully talks about you. The thing is that a person needs to be a freak or super antisocial not to know how to behave respectfully. So, if a person is sane, he/she chooses how to act. And if your partner chooses to act like a jerk, then it is a red flag.
3. The refusal to meet with you in public places. Ok, there is a difference between introverts who just prefer to stay at home, and you KNOW that, and you agree to meet him/her in private places. The other thing – the first date or meeting. If you hear, "Baby, come to my apartment. We gonna have such a good time together". No, no, no! You don't know this person, and your life can be in great danger.
4. A person dictates in what role you should be. Well, well, well. Look who is there! It's such-a-know-it-all. This behavior it's a sign of unhealthy egoism and inner insecurities. Because this person labels you without making an attempt to know you. Do you want to be with him/her?
5. There is no talk about sex safety. Do you know that you and your health are the most important things? Your body helps you to experience the world and get pleasures. And if your new partner doesn't want to take it seriously, then you know what to do. Text him an address of a clinic and close the door.
Thank you for your attention. We hope you found this list of red flags helpful. And if you have any questions or suggestions, write them in the comment section. We would like to have a conversation with you!
To discover more about Anoeses, sexualities, BDSM and connect with our community, follow @anoeses.education.