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Switch: What to Expect?

Do you like playing with your subs? Are you turned on by submitting to a powerful Dom/Domme? If your answer is 'yes' for both questions, most probably, you are a switch. This is somebody who can both give and receive power.


Being a switch gives you an opportunity to enjoy the best from both worlds. However, if you label yourself as a switch, get ready all your communication skills. Because this role will often challenge the dynamics of your relationships.


Different switches have different ways of switching. Some people are strictly dominant with one person but can play submissive with other people. Also, there are people who almost always play Dom/Domme, and very occasionally, can bottom for somebody else. Usually, in order to try out a new skill. Does it mean that this person is a switch? Really, it is always up to the personal definition.

Experienced kinksters say that to become a good Dom/Domme, you need to experience how to be a good sub. However, men tend to stay dominant and rarely do become bottoms. But females who have started as s-type can become more confident and obtain more skills as they get older. So they often decide to play Domme.

How can switch role challenge your relationship dynamic?

If you are a switch with a strictly submissive partner, sometimes they can feel left out. Dom/Domme and Sub are pretty stable roles, and the power exchange in this relationship is clear. In a case of a switch, you can wake up in a submissive mood, and your partner will feel uncertain or even experience a fear. Because suddenly, you are not their Dom/Domme anymore.

What to do?

- Be very upfront and clear about what expectations you have. What kind of switch are you? Do you separate relationships where you play Dom and where – Sub? Does it depend on your mood or another person? There are so many moving parts!
- One scene = one role. Do not switch in the middle of a play.
- If you and your partner are switches and you both can't decide what role to take in a scene, try a switch fight. Basically, you start by figuring out who has the right to be dominant for the rest of a play. It can be fun for primals, for example.

Here is our POV: feel free to be whatever you are. You should always start from this. And if you see yourself as a switch today, it may change with time. Sexperiments influence our perspectives!
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