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BDSM is not only about blindfolds, gags, bondage, etc. Yes, these things surround it. But it is also about a beautiful and diverse community that has its rules and terminology. Let us introduce to you 5 terms you definitely should learn on the way to understand BDSM.
We guess the first thing you heard in your head was RED. And probably it was the voice of Dakota Johnson. But back to the theme. A safeword is a word or a phrase that you can use during the play, and it will end a scene immediately. You can choose a green-yellow-red system or anything you like. A safeword is obligatory.
It's something someone doesn't want to do. There are hard and soft limits. A hard limit is an activity you definitely don't want to have during the scene. A soft limit is more negotiable. Maybe you don't want to try something now, but later you can change your mind. You should always discuss and respect them. Otherwise, you're not really practicing BDSM.
Safe, sane, and consensual. It means that every scene, play, or relationship should account for risks, act with a clear mind, and be sure everyone is on board and agrees.
Risk-aware consensual kink. This term is focused on risk awareness, and it means that as long as everyone is aware of a danger, the BDSM scene is safe.
Aftercare. We have already written a little about this term before. Basically, it is a time after play session you dedicate to talk about what had happened. You can return to reality and adequate state of mind, or treat any physical pain that occurred.
Submissive. A person who wants to submit their will to a partner / dominant. There are different degrees of submission. For example, you can decide to be a submissive only during one scene, or maybe you want to submit 24/7.
Dominant. A person who wants to possess power over a partner / submissive. Likewise, submissive, you can be dominant either during the scene or during the whole period of relationships.
Note! Slaves and masters differ from submissive and dominant. It's a couple that appears in the most extreme form of power exchange relationships.
Switch. A person who switches from being submissive to being dominant. You can be a switch within one relationship or submit to one person and dominant over another.
Masochism. This term defines someone who likes to receive pain on purpose. There are 3 different types of masochism, but they all roll around pain. Physical masochism is the most common form. But there are more: emotional masochism (humiliation and degradation), mental masochism (can rely on phobias that someone has).
Subdrop - it's a negative emotional or physical state that appears after a scene regardless everything went good or bad. You can experience subdrop just right after the play or in the next few days. We don't say that it happens to everybody. But during the scene, the level of hormones like adrenaline and endorphins raises. And when the scene stops, our body is confused and experiences this drop.
Topdrop - like the subdrop, it's also a negative emotional and mental state that appears after a scene if you're dominant. Most often, tops experience topdrop just right after the play. Because this role and title require responsibility that can be overwhelming, especially if you're a sadist.
Fetish - is an attraction to an object. It's something that just must be to cause sexual arousal. People who have fetishes aren't able to fully enjoy sex or have an orgasm if that object isn't present.
Kink - it's something unusual, not-vanilla that you like during sex. It can be an object or an activity. Comparing to fetish, you still can have an orgasm even if this object isn't in the scene. Kinks can become fetishes if your body and brain experience sexual arousal whenever an object appears during sex.
Power exchange - the basic definition is when somebody (submissive) gives up control and gives it to a partner (dominant). There're two kinds of transfer of authority and control: total power exchange (TPE) and partial power exchange (PPE).
Sadism. Sadism defines someone who enjoys giving purposeful pain. There are, like in masochism, different kinds of sadism. The biggest role plays, of course, physical sadism. Also, emotional sadism is very commonly is performed by dominatrixes when they humiliate men. And mental sadism can embody in locking someone in a cage for a long time.
Vanilla. It's a term that kinky people and the BDSM community use to describe ordinary, plain sexual lifestyle. Please, notice that 'vanilla' is not an insult. It is the way to say that relationship is average or just normal, like a starting point and not depreciation.
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